toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
