So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
