I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
