the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
