Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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