there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
