I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
