I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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