2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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