I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
