Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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