I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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