So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
