I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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