VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
