well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
