dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
