all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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