The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
