The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
