The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
