New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
