Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
