There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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