Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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