his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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