She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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