WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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