he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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