I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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