I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
