these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
