Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want a musical about memes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
