I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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