This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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