Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
