The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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