he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
