dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
