the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
