Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Go christen that room with your naked body.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
