I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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