his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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