So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
