at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
