Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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