Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
