I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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