is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
