I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Say something about gay babies.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
