I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
