I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
