I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
