her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
