Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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