Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
