haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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