You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In America we eat man semen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
