can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
