hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
