I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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