Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
