i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
