Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
