Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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