My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
