if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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