Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
