it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
