Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
