How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
