Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
