I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize