We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
