So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
