Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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