Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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