I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize