I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
