Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
