Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
