people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
