Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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