Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think people are normalizing furries
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
