Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
