am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
