okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
