On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
