ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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