Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
