Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
