do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
