I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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