Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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