A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
