I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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