i wish there were pregnant emoticons
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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