My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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