Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
