I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
