did you get engaged???
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
