I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
