Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize